okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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