Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
