Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
