I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I checked into jail on foursquare
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize