All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
