Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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