i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
