I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
