could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
