The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
