Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize