I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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