Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
