yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
