you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
