i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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