He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
