Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
where are my eyebrows?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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