she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
