I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
