Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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