I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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