1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
