Welp...herpes.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
