I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
