i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
