My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
