dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
