she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
