I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
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I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?