We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit