i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
