the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Damn victory sex feels great
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
