i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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