Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
