Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
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