Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
