the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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