1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
