Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She's the barista slut.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
