Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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