I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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