I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
