the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
