I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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