Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
