I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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