i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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