Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize