She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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