those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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