So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
