how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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