I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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