I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
