i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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