where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
