I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
