I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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