barbara walters just said penis...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
