i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
