White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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