Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
