just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
