My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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