My friends, they love my intelligence
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My liver just had a heart attack.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
