WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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