just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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